Dancing Between Abstract and Concrete

You need to be able to go abstract to better understand the reasoning, needs, and principles, or concrete to find particular solutions. 2 simple questions can help.

In product management we often dance between the abstract and concrete, from trying to dig up the needs behind and the root cause (abstract), to looking for particular ways to answer them (concrete). 

In life, the same applies – when talking with someone, you need to be able to go abstract to better understand their reasoning, needs, and principles, or concrete to find particular solutions.

2 Natural, but Powerful Questions

There are two very natural questions that can guide the discussion in the needed direction. At work, I use it with stakeholders, but I also use it with friends and family. 

To go from abstract to concrete, ask "Can you give me an example?", and to go from concrete to abstract, ask "What does that mean (for you)?" Of course, don’t just copy-paste these, but rephrase as needed and try to maintain the natural flow of the conversation, otherwise, people could get irritated or it may feel clunky or awkward.

Questions at Work

Let’s imagine your roommate or partner is irritated since you’re not tidy. Here’s an example of the discussion.

They: "I've noticed that the common areas in our apartment have been quite messy. There are always dishes left in the sink, and some things are not tidy. It's been bothering me, and I think we need to address it."

You: "Thanks for bringing this up. Can you give me an example of what you mean by the common areas being messy? I want to make sure I fully understand your perspective."

"The kitchen counter has had unwashed dishes for a few days now, and there are some items scattered on the living room table that haven't been put away. I often find myself cleaning up after our shared meals, and it's becoming a bit overwhelming for me."

"Thank you for sharing those examples, I can see why that would bother you. What does having a tidy living space mean for you? I really want to understand your perspective and it will help me align with your expectations."

"For me, having a tidy living space creates a sense of order and peace. It's essential to come home to a clean environment, as it helps me relax and focus better. It also ensures that our shared spaces are enjoyable for both of us, and we can spend quality time together without any added stress."

"I understand now. Keeping our shared spaces clean is essential, and I'll work on being tidier and more considerate moving forward. How about we…"

In this scenario, we used both the concrete question (“Can you give me an example”), to understand the specific issues that bother your roommate or partner, and the abstract question ("What does having a tidy living space mean for you?") to grasp the underlying importance and values associated with cleanliness.

This helps in resolving the issue with empathy and achieving understanding, as well as finding a practical, concrete solution that works for both of you.